


To All the Crushes I've Had Before

by SpraceJunkie



Category: Newsies - All Media Types
Genre: Crutchie is a badass and we all know it, Fake Dating, Jack is a hopeless romantic, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sarah is trans and I vaguely mentioned it? but not really, and Davey is Hopelessly Gay, but god am i glad it's done, but she is Sarah is always trans, fun fact the google doc is just over 54 pages long ahjhsd, in this au homophobia just doesn't exist, like straight up there's no homophobia the gays have it all as we deserve, tatbilb, the TatBILB au we've all been waiting for, the delanceys are jerks and i hate them, this got v long and was v fun to write, to all the boys i've loved before - Freeform, uhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-12 02:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15985877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpraceJunkie/pseuds/SpraceJunkie
Summary: Davey Jacobs writes letters to the crushes he's had in the past. There's five of them, and when they get out, everything is a mess. He's fake dating one guy who's chasing his ex, his sister's ex-boyfriend thinks he's in love with him.In other words, this is the To All the Boys I've Loved Before au that several people mentioned and I bit the bullet and wrote.





	To All the Crushes I've Had Before

Davey was a good brother.

Really.

He did his fair share of housework, kept up with his schoolwork to avoid stressing out his dad, helped Les with all his homework, let Sarah vent to him, he’d even edited her college essays and helped her pad her resume with things she wouldn’t have thought to include.

He was a good brother, a great brother, and it wasn’t his fault he’d been at least halfway in love with his sister’s boyfriend since they were both fourteen.

He was a good brother, he just had a crush on Spot, that was all. Just a crush, nothing more. They’d been friends for forever, and even though Davey knew he was straight, it had still stung a bit when he’d asked Sarah out rather than him. And when Sarah had said yes.

She probably wouldn’t have if she’d known Davey had a crush on him, but Davey didn’t tell anyone, so it wasn’t her fault.

And it hadn’t felt great when Spot had come out as pan a year after he and Sarah had started dating, meaning Davey might have had a chance with him after all.

But it didn’t matter, anyway, because Davey was a good brother who would never even entertain the thought of trying to steal his sister’s boyfriend for more than a second. And because Davey Jacobs was good at being bad at falling in love.

He’d been doing it for sixteen years, after all.

First it was that kid Hannah from camp when he was in fourth grade. Alex from model UN in fifth grade. Jack from middle school, hitting its peak in seventh grade, and starting his realization that he liked boys. Katherine, freshman year. And Spot, age fourteen to present. Currently dating his sister.

He’d known Hannah for a grand total of two summers, Alex had moved away, Jack was now dating his ex-best friend, Katherine…well, he hadn’t actually talked to Katherine in two years, really, and Spot was his sister’s boyfriend of two and a half years.

And he was a good brother and a terrible romantic with five addressed, sealed, but unstamped love letters tucked into an old hatbox under his bed.

One to Hannah, written when he was ten and never sent.

One to Alex, written when he was almost twelve, also never sent, even though her new address was on it.

One to Jack, written when he was thirteen, never sent. Obviously. Since that was apparently how he dealt with crushes, but writing letters and never sending them.

One to Katherine, written when he was fifteen, of course never sent.

And one to Spot, started when he was fourteen and still unsealed in case he ever wanted to add to it.

And because he liked to reread that one sometimes, since it was the crush he was farthest from getting over.

“Hey. Why are you on the floor?” Sarah tapped the doorframe before stepping into Davey’s room and flopping across the bed to look down at him. He scrambled to shove the letters all back into his box and push them under the bed.

“I, uh, I dropped my…pen. See?” He held up the pen he was holding.

“Ah.” Davey pulled himself up onto the bed, lying down next to her.

“What’s up?”

“I’m leaving tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

“Got a list of rules for you. One, make sure Les gets to school and dance. Dad usually can’t get him there on time, don’t make him try.”

“Sarah, you know I can’t drive.”

“So arrange a carpool. It’s your job. Two, dishes.”

“I already do the dishes.”

“When Dad cooks, you do all the dishes. Three, Les is still not good at making his kippah stay on, you have to help him before synagogue. Four, make sure Les picks up after himself so Dad doesn’t have to worry about it. Also, not a rule, but Dad appreciates it when you cook. So do that sometimes.”

“We’ve already talked about all of this, Sarah.”

“I know, I’m just-“

“Worried. Frantic. Hysterical, scared.” Sarah laughed.

“I’m going to Scotland, Davey. That’s pretty far away.”

“There’s the internet. Skype, facetime, Snapchat, Instagram, texting, calling, Twitter. You’re not falling off the face of the planet, Saz, we’ll be fine.”

“Davey! Sarah! Spot is here!” Sarah popped up off the bed, pulling Davey with her.

“Guess that means it’s dinnertime, huh?”

Dinner was normal, pretty much. Though Sarah seemed like she was acting funny, but that was probably because she was leaving for college in a foreign country in the morning.

At least, that’s what Davey thought until he went upstairs after dinner and accidentally heard Sarah and Spot arguing quietly. And Sarah breaking up with Spot. And he was instantly thrown into a greater state of emotional turmoil than he’d been in for a long time.

Because his sister was going to need somebody to lean on, definitely. Just because she’d done the breaking up didn’t mean it wasn’t going to hurt.

But also the guy he’d had a crush on for almost three years was suddenly single.

But making any semblance of a move on Spot would be a betrayal of his sister’s trust.

But he was _Spot Conlon_ and he was single and he was still just as cute as he had been when Davey realized how he felt about him.

And it was further complicated by the fact that they’d been best friends since they were ten. They’d grown up together. Spot was the second person he’d ever come out to, the first being Sarah, Spot had learned Morse code with him when they were twelve to be able to talk in class and after lights out at sleepovers, and Spot had the perfect hair and charismatic confidence and called Davey weird nicknames, and no matter how much Davey loved Sarah and no matter how good of a brother he was, it didn’t change how he felt about Spot.

“Hey.” Sarah didn’t honor the knocking rule this time, just flopping down next to Davey on his bed without any announcement.

“Hey.” Neither of them said anything for a while, just lying there looking up at the ceiling in silence. “You okay.”

“Yeah.” Sarah said. “No. I guess not.” She said more quietly after another moment of silence.

“Wanna talk?”

“Yeah.” She didn’t, though, not for a few minutes.

“What happened?”

“Mom told me not to go to college with a boyfriend. Well, she actually said girlfriend, but same thing. And Spot still has more time in high school, and I’m going so far away, and I know he would follow me out there but he doesn’t want to go to school in Scotland for him, he would do it for me, and that’s not fair.”

“But you love him.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t date, Davey, it’s not worth it.”

“Really?”

“No. I’m lying. It was wonderful and worth it but this part? Not fun at all.” Davey didn’t know what to say to that, so he didn’t say anything, just letting them slip back into silence until Sarah eventually got up to actually go to bed.

All of them went to the airport the next morning, piling into the car with Sarah and her three suitcases. Les was chattering away the whole time next to Davey in the back seat while their dad drove and Sarah looked out the window like a kid moving to a new town in a movie.

“We’re going to find…magazines. For you. To read on the plane.” Their dad pulled Les away towards the magazine stand, leaving Sarah and Davey standing alone.

“Take care of them.” Sarah said.

“They’re not helpless, you know. We aren’t helpless. We’ll be okay.”

“I know, just…still. Take care of them.”

“I will.” Sarah hugged Davey tightly. “Come home soon.”

“Chanukah, hopefully.”

“Make that a definitely.” Sarah laughed, and Les and their dad came back with a stack of magazines.

“Les couldn’t pick so we just got you all of them.” Sarah took the stack and somehow managed to fit them in her carry on backpack. She hugged everyone one last time and turned to go through security without looking back.

School started for Les and Davey a week later. The last week of summer vacation was weird. The house was empty feeling without Sarah, and Davey saw Spot moping around at his house next door but he didn’t come over to hang out, not like anyone really expected him to.

“Keys are hanging up by the door!”

“I know, Dad, do I really have to drive?”

“You passed your license test, and both of you need to get to school and Les needs to get to dance right after.”

“I know, I know, just…”

“Just you’re scared of driving.” His dad grinned at him. “Les! You guys have to go!”

“I can’t find my bike helmet!”

“Why do you need your bike helmet?”

“Because Davey is driving me!”

“Les!” He appeared at the top of the stairs, triumphantly holding up his bright blue bike helmet.

“Sorry, Davey, but safety comes first.”

“Have a good first day of school! Davey, don’t crash, make sure you eat lunch. Les, do you have your dance bag?”

“I already put it in the car.”

“Do you have a snack for between classes?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Okay. Love you!”

“You too.”

“Love you, Dad.” Davey and Les climbed into the car, Les making a point of staring right at Davey while he buckled his helmet on.

“Now I’m ready to go.”

“Don’t be a brat.”

“Then don’t be a bad driver.”

Les hopped out of the car as soon as it was parked, dashing off to the middle school while Davey made his way, much slower, into the high school.

“Ooh, look at that nice sweater.” And of course the first person to talk to him on the first day of school was Morris. His ex-best friend dating Jack Kelly, the subject of one of his five letters, who now hated him for unknown reasons and went out of his way to make fun of Davey whenever he saw him.

“Hi, Morris.”

“Is that…argyle?”

“Now, Morris, I know you’re a few screws short of a full Ikea set, but even you should know that argyle is a pattern and the sweater Davey is wearing is just a lovely shade of blue. Looks nice on you. And compared to that sweatshirt in puke green? Well, I’d say he’s outdone you, cuz.” Crutchie, Davey’s current best friend and Morris’s cousin who disliked him as much as Davey did, grinned at Morris.

“Fuck off-“

“Hey babe.” Morris was interrupted by his boyfriend draping himself over his back, kissing his head. “Wanna help me get into my locker? I can’t find the code.”

“Fine.” They both turned around and walked away.

“I have plenty of summer gossip on him to fill you in on later.”

“What lunch do you have?”

“Third.” Davey frowned.

“I have first.”

“Ugh, and you don’t even buy lunch.”

“What?”

“All the good food is gone by the end of second, and you don’t even buy lunch. We should switch.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works.” Crutchie laughed.

“Well, it should be. I’m doomed to be hungry all year long now.”

There had been a time when, rather than just Davey and Crutchie walking together, Morris and Spot would have been with them. In middle school, all of them had been inseparable.

Now it was just Davey and Crutchie, since he hadn’t talked to Spot since Sarah broke up with him and Morris obviously hated him. Spot did wave at him when he passed, but he didn’t smile.

“What’s up with Spot?”

“Sarah broke up with him.” Crutchie grimaced.

“Ooh. Rough.”

“Yeah. Makes things a little awkward.”

“Is she having fun in Scotland?”

“She hasn’t called much yet. She’s only been there a week, I guess she’s still settling in.”

“Probably. My first class is in this hallway. We have English together, yeah?”

“I think so. Fifth?”

“Yep! See you then!”

“See you later.”

Lunch was kind of miserable. He’d been sitting with Sarah at lunch for his entire high school career, and now she wasn’t here and his best friend had a different lunch wave.

Finding a lunch table proved to be too much to handle, and the library didn’t people eat crunchy foods and he had carrots, so he ended up wandering out to the track-slash-football field, hoping to sit on the bleachers with his carrots and book.

“Oh. Hi, Spot.”

“Hey.”

“Um…is this seat taken?”

“Sure. By you.” Spot smiled and moved his bag over.

“Want a carrot?”

“Yeah, gimme a carrot.” For a few minutes, everything felt completely normal. Spot ate half his carrots and passed him an earbud to share his music, and made a joke about Davey being uncultured when he didn’t recognize the artist.

“Did you know?” He asked abruptly, ruining the normalcy of the moment.

“No.” Davey said honestly.

“Just…she tells you everything.”

“Not this. I promise, Spot, I had no idea.”

“Would you have told me?”

“I…I don’t know. Maybe.” The bell rang then, sparing Davey from having to carry on the conversation any more.

“We’re good, right, Davey?”

“Yeah, Spot, we’re cool.”

“Good. I’ll see you around, then.”

After school, Les was already waiting for Davey by the car.

“I’m gonna be late for dance, Davey, and it’s the first week!”

“Relax, Les, your first class doesn’t start for forty-five minutes and the studio is ten minutes away.”

The first thing Les did when he climbed up into the car was to again stare Davey down and buckle his helmet under his chin.

“Seriously, Les? I’m not _that_ bad of a driver.” Davey quickly ate his words when he started to back up and had to slam on the brakes instantly to avoid hitting somebody behind him.

“Sup, Dave?” Jack Kelly came around to the driver’s side window, grinning.

“Sorry.” Davey winced, staring straight ahead to avoid having to look at Jack, who he’d almost run over.

“See, normally, I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to look behind you before you start moving.” He was smiling, so Davey was pretty sure he wasn’t mad, but that didn’t make it any less embarrassing. 

“I just….am not super comfortable with my mirrors yet.”

“Mmhmm. Well, take care. Try not to mow any other unsuspecting innocents with your car on the way home.” Jack laughed out loud as he walked away.

“He’s got the hots for you.” Les said matter-of-factly.

“Les! Don’t say stuff like that!”

“Why not? It’s true.”

“He has a boyfriend, Les, he doesn’t like me. And even if he did, that was not an appropriate way to phrase it.”

“Why not?” Davey didn’t really have an answer for that that he could put into words, so he just shook his head and checked behind him carefully before trying to back up again.

Sunday nights at the Jacobs household, when nobody had any other major plans, were reserved for movie night.

Sometimes that meant watching a couple of Disney movies, sometimes it meant binge watching a TV show on Netflix, but it always meant Sarah, Davey, and Les piled on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn. Sometimes one sibling missed for one thing or another, but it was a regular thing.

This was the third Sunday in a row without Sarah, and it was weird to have her gone and know she wasn’t going to be back next week.

Les had decided on The Good Place, so they were both sprawled on the couch, quietly watching.

“You know Davey, you need a date.” Les said in the fifteen seconds between episodes.

“What?”

“You need a boyfriend or a girlfriend or something so you have somebody else to hang out with.”

“I like hanging out with you.”

“So do I, but Davey. I’m twelve, and I cancelled plans to watch TV with you tonight.”

“You did?”

“Emma and Adam from dance invited me to go bowling with them.”

“You could have said yes. I wouldn’t have been offended.”

“Yes, you would have. And anyway, you still need to find somebody.”

“I’m perfectly fine just the way things are, thank you very much.”

“I’m still gonna find you a date.”

“Sure you are, Les.”

Davey had gym seventh period with Crutchie, which meant, like it had since middle school, that he walked laps around the track with him while the rest of the class did whatever they were doing that day. They chatted and walked, taking their sweet time, and a month into school the other kids in their gym class had stopped really noticing them doing their patrol around the outskirts.

“You know, it really is flat out stupid they make me do gym at all.”

“You say this every day.”

“Yeah, well, it’s hot as shit today and I’m not feeling this walk.”

“You’re never feeling this walk.”

“It sucks.”

“I know.”

“And it’s not like I’m faking an injury like Race used to. Permanent disability bitch, and it doesn’t get me out of gym class? Do you remember when Alan Toffy got out of gym for a week because of his broken wrist? And my non-working knee just means I get to walk? Fuck that shit.”

“Fuck it.” Davey encouraged him, knowing the more into his rants he got the funnier it was and the faster gym class would pass.

“Hey, uh, can I talk to Davey for a minute?” They were interrupted before Crutchie could really get going by Jack Kelly jogging up to them.

“He’s right here.” Crutchie said, looking at Jack suspiciously.

“Yeah, but…alone?” Crutchie and Davey had a rapid, nonverbal conversation that roughly translated to “he’s dating my cousin he’s always been nice to me he doesn’t stop Morris but he doesn’t start anything and he’s nice just go go no go” and Crutchie sighed and plopped down on the grass.

“Don’t mind me and my permanent disability taking a break from walking the laps the public education system requires even though my leg literally doesn’t work and walking for me takes more effort than running for every other kid in this class!”

“He really hates walking, huh?”

“He just hates gym class. What do you need?”

“Oh, um, I just…I’m flattered, but Morris and I just broke up like…Tuesday, and I just wanted to tell you in person so I wouldn’t be so much of a jerk.”

“What?” Jack gestured with something in his hand and Davey felt like he was going to pass out because he recognized that letter after seeing it for a second. The letter he’d written in seventh grade detailing how Jack had made him realize he was attracted to boys and how big of a crush Davey had had on Jack back then.

“Hey, hey, Dave, are you okay? Hey, look at me. Do you need some water?”

“Huh?”

“You just totally fainted, like passed out cold.” Jack was crouching down next to him, looking very worried. “Are you okay?”

“Where did you get that letter?”

“It came in the mail. And it’s really sweet, really, I just-“

“The mail? That letter came in the mail?”

“Well, it wasn’t delivered by Santa’s elves right to my breakfast table, so I’m assuming it came in the mail, yeah.” Just then, Davey looked past Jack and saw Spot coming up the walkway towards the track, holding an envelope Davey knew just as well as the one Jack was holding.

“Shit.” Spot was coming right for him, looking right at him, and Davey couldn’t read his expression. He thought faster than he ever really had before, quickly deciding what the best course of action would be, and pushed Jack down on the ground and kissed him on the mouth in one fluid motion.

“Hey, break it up you two, now is not the time and here is not the place!” The gym teacher pulled Davey up off Jack. “Give me a running lap, Jacobs.”

Davey didn’t do that, instead he just ran with his head down all the way back inside the school, not stopping until he was inside the first men’s room he found, locked inside a stall. He hadn’t yet this year managed to get this close to an anxiety attack at school.

“Hey, Davey? I saw you come in here, you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He recognized the voice but couldn’t quite place it.

“I wanted to return this. It seemed a little personal.” Another letter slid under the stall door, the one addressed to Katherine. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.” Davey unlocked the stall door and stepped out. He was calming down a little bit now.

“You’re a good writer.”

“Um, thanks.”

“You do know I’m a lesbian, right?”

“Yeah. That was from-“

“Homecoming freshman year. I remember. We had a lot of fun.”

“Yeah. Um, sorry.”

“I have a feeling you’re dealing with enough right now that you don’t need to apologize to me for a sweet letter you wrote two years ago.”

“Thanks.”

For the first time in his life, Davey skipped class. Jack was in his eighth period, and it wasn’t worth it when he could just hide in the bathroom for forty minutes and then hide in his car until Les got in and drive straight to Les’s dance and straight home without talking to anyone.

His dad was already home and tried to start a conversation, but Davey just ran upstairs, looking desperately for his box and not finding it. It was gone. His letters were sent out, everyone he’d ever had a major crush on knew every last painful detail of it. Including Jack, and including Spot.

Spot knew he had a crush on him. Spot, who had been dating his sister until a month and a half ago. Spot, who’d been his best friend for years.

He cried a bit. Stared at the ceiling a bit. Refused to go down to dinner so he could stare at the ceiling some more.

“Davey! Spot is here and he wants to talk to you!” Les yelled from downstairs.

Not happening. He’d avoided his feelings for years, he could avoid them for a couple more days. He heard Les coming up the stairs and, for the second time that day, thought very quickly and made a choice he was definitely regret later, scrambling for his window and sliding down the roof, hoping to grab the tree he’d managed to climb up and down before but instead just managing to slow his fall, which still hurt. He was planning on staying out of the house until he was sure everyone was asleep and Spot was long gone.

He ended up at Jacobi’s, which had great milkshakes, sitting at the counter sadly drinking slowly.

“Anything for your boy?” Davey looked over at where the waitress indicated, and instantly looked away, cheeks burning. Of course Jack Kelly was here.

“He’s not-“

“I’m not…I just want a chocolate shake.”

“No problem, honey.”

Jack spun his stool just enough to be looking at Davey.

“Okay, look, I’m guess you’re already having a bad day by the fact you’re here at nine at night drinking a milkshake, but I feel like we really need to talk. I’m very much fresh off a breakup and-“

“Are you seriously rejecting me right now? Like, right here, right now, you’re rejecting me? Again?”

“Well, you didn’t really seem to get it the first time, so…”

“I got it. I didn’t kiss you because I wanted to, I kissed you because I needed to convince somebody else that I don’t like them.”

“Really? Who?”

“I’m not telling you that!”

“Well, then I don’t believe you. Sounds like a way to save face to me.”

“It’s none of your business!”

“You kissed me in front of the entire gym class, I’m thinking that makes it my business.”

“Spot. Okay? Spot Conlon.”

“Doesn’t he date your sister?” Davey instantly regretted telling Jack anything.

“He did. They broke up.”

“And now you like him?”

“No! I liked him, past tense, long time ago. He…he got a letter too.”

“There’s more than one love letter out there?”

“Five.” Davey said miserably, fully committed to talking to Jack now. He already knew too much, what could a few more details do?

“Me, Spot…who else?”

“You don’t know all of them.”

“That implies I know at least one of them.”

“Katherine. Plumber.” Jack laughed.

“You know she’s gay, right?”

“Yes. That was also a long time ago.”

“And the other two?”

“Even longer, and you don’t know them.”

“And they got letters too?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Geez. Why’d you send five love letters out at the same time?”

“I didn’t. I don’t know how they got out.”

“Yikes. Now I feel bad for rejecting you on what’s gotta be up there in terms of bad days.”

“Yeah.” Jack’s milkshake arrived and he took a long drink. “You and Morris broke up?”

“College girl asked him out and he couldn’t say no to that.”

“Sorry.”

“He’ll be back.” Jack cared more than he was letting on, Davey could tell, but he was trying his best to pretend it hadn’t affected him at all. “When he gets dumped.” They didn’t talk while the finished their milkshakes, but Jack was bouncing his leg and, Davey could tell, thinking a mile a minute.

“Hey, I have an idea. A weird idea.”

“What?”

“You want to convince Spot you don’t like him, and I want Morris back.”

“Uh-huh.”

“What if we…what if we pretend to date? Then Spot thinks you’re over him and Morris gets jealous and wants me back.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Why not? Because it’s a horrible idea that could go wrong in a million ways and I’m not doing it. Bye.” Davey left his change on the counter for a tip and left the restaurant, shaking his head at Jack when he gave Davey a look that clearly said “if you change your mind, I’m still here.”

The next day, to quote a book Les used to love, was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Spot wasn’t in any of his classes, thank God, but he was in the hallways, and he kept trying to get Davey’s attention and Davey kept ignoring him.

It was hard enough that he found himself thinking about Jack’s idea. Pretending to date Jack was not a good solution. It would make Morris hate him more, Crutchie didn’t trust Jack, Spot would probably never talk to him again.

But also, pretending to date Jack might make Spot ignore the letter for good, forget Davey had ever had a crush on him, and leave Davey alone.

He wasn’t sure he’d made a decision though, until he found himself marching across the baseball field to the pitcher’s mound after school to where Jack was picking up the baseballs as practice was ending.

“Jack!”

“Hey, uh, what’s up?”

“Let’s do this.” Davey said before he could change his mind.

“Yeah?” Jack was grinning.

“Yeah.” Jack stepped off the mound towards Davey and kissed him.

“Yeah, get it, Jacky!” Somebody called from the dugout, and Jack stepped back again, laughing now.

“Hey, meet me at that picnic table by the cafeteria in like a half hour, okay?”

“Okay.”

Nobody ever sat at the picnic table by the cafeteria. Well, the one Davey assumed Jack meant, anyway. There was a group of four tables close to the doors that people sat at all time, but some time before anyone currently in the high school was there to remember, the fifth had been moved past where the teachers could see. Davey was sure that had made it popular for a while, until people realized that also meant staff didn’t clean it and it was so hidden away it was now known mostly for smoking and sex. Usually the former, the latter only in unconfirmed “my friend’s older sister’s friend’s older sister gave her boyfriend a blowjob there when _she_ was a junior,” so unless everyone knew all the same people, the sex table story was probably exaggerated at least a little bit.

“So. Fake boyfriends?” Jack’s voice surprised Davey as he literally bounced into the area where the picnic table was, jumping up on the bench of the table to sit on top. “We need to hammer out the details.”

“A contract.” Davey said.

“A contract?”

“Do’s and don’ts and the whole thing.”

“Okay. Um…”

“I’ll start.” The trick to having confidence was to fake it until you felt it, that’s what Sarah always said. “No kissing.”

“You kissed me first!”

“No more kissing.”

“Nobody is ever gonna believe we’re actually dating if we never kiss.”

“Oh well. I don’t want to kiss you, or you to kiss me.”

“Okay, why? We’ve already kissed twice.”

“Because I’ve never dated anyone before, and I don’t want all my firsts to be fake.”

“Aw, you’re such a romantic. But again, we’ve already kissed twice.”

“That doesn’t count. Once was out of desperation and once was when I had no say in it. You just kissed me.”

“Okay, okay. No kissing. Hand holding?”

“Fine.”

“And ooh, I can write you notes and draw you stuff. Morris thought that was just for him, it’ll make him jealous.”

“Okay, whatever.” Jack nodded, then paused, obviously thinking hard.

“You have to meet my mom.”

“And you have to meet my little brother.”

“What kind of dates are you okay with?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, you should come to games. And Race is having a party next week.”

“I don’t go to parties.”

“You should. It’ll be fun, Race is a good guy, and it’ll be more convincing.” Davey thought about it for a minute before finally nodding.

“And you have to go on the ski trip with me. Nothing has to _happen_ , but if you don’t go people will know something is up.”

“That’s months away.”

“Okay, so write it down as an if. If we’re still together.”

“Fine, but you have to come to movie night on Sunday, then.”

“Okay, come to dinner on Saturday then.”

“Saturdays are family days. I’ll come to dinner next Sunday.”

“That’s Race’s party.”

“So the week after.”

“Deal.”

“Nobody knows this is fake.”

“Obviously.”

“As soon as you can get Morris back, we break up.”

“Yeah.” Jack held out his hand for Davey to shake, and Davey took it. “Let’s at least _try_ to have fun with this, okay? Not everything has to be like a business transaction.”

“Okay.”

“Let me put my number in your phone, and you can text me stuff about coming over on Sunday.”

Having a boyfriend was kind of nice. Actually, it was really nice. The baseball team did a good job of spreading the news that Jack and Davey were together. Jack carried his books, usually passing them back with a wink that said he knew exactly how over the top he was being, and held his hand. He had Davey’s schedule memorized by the end of the week, and somehow managed to be waiting for him after every class.

Telling his dad had been awkward, telling Les had been a nightmare of laughter and gleeful “I told you so”s.

Les was overly excited that Jack was coming over for movie night, especially since their dad, who wasn’t going to be home, told him he had to make sure Davey and Jack didn’t get up to anything behind any closed doors, essentially making him the supervisor.

“That doesn’t mean I can’t kick you out.” Davey warned. “It just means we have to keep doors open. And you’re going to bed at ten.”

“I’m in charge!”

“No. No you’re not.”

“Dad said so.”

“No, no he didn’t.” Their little argument was interrupted by Jack knocking. Nonsensically, since he knew they were fake dating and he’d gotten over Jack years ago anyway, his stomach flipped a little bit like he was nervous for Jack to meet Les.

“I’m Les, I’m in sixth grade, I’m Davey’s little brother, and he almost killed you with his car. And I’m in charge.”

“Nice to meetcha, little man. I’m Jack.”

“He’s not in charge. Les, go make popcorn or something.”

“Fine.” Les stuck out his tongue and ran into the kitchen.

“I promise once he starts watching TV he mellows out a bit.”

“He’s cute.” Jack said, grinning in the direction Les had gone, obviously meaning him to hear it.

The rest of the night was actually really fun. Les went out of his way to antagonize Jack, and Jack played along like he’d been dealing with Les his whole life. When they weren’t playfully arguing, Jack was laying down across all of the couch not filled by Davey and Les. By the end of The Princess Bride, he had his head in Davey’s lap and was occasionally kicking Les gently in the side to rile him back up every time he calmed down. At one point they got into a full out pillow fight, forcing Davey to curl into the corner of the couch while he laughed at his boyfriend–fake boyfriend–and little brother tussling for the couch cushion and exchanging little insults like they were best friends. Eventually Les went to bed without even needing prompting from Davey, although he did make a point to leave his door open so he could see down to the couch if he wanted to.

Jack made Davey watch a couple episodes of The Office, insisting that if he liked Parks and Rec and The Good Place he’d like The Office too, if he gave it enough of a chance, but eventually he stood up and stretched, yawning.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Davey stood up with the empty popcorn bowl to put away.

For a second, it seemed like Jack was going to break the rules and kiss Davey goodnight, but he stopped leaning forward with an awkward smile and walked away without another word. A couple seconds later, Davey watched him drive away.

And weirdly enough, he felt a little disappointed Jack hadn’t kissed him. Even though he shouldn’t. Because he and Jack weren’t really dating. They were faking it. They were faking it so Jack could get Morris back and Davey could avoid dealing with Spot for a little while longer.

Catching feelings wasn’t part of it. It wasn’t allowed to be part of it.

He’d gotten over Jack years ago.

People seemed to like them as a couple. Morris glared at Davey so much that if looks could kill he’d be dead ten times over, and Spot was ignoring him completely, but Jack won Crutchie over the first time Crutchie skipped class to eat lunch with them and Jack peanut galleried a passionate Crutchie Morris rant even better than Davey could, resulting in the entire table cracking up, including the baseball players sitting with them.

The people who weren’t Morris’s group seemed to approve for the most part, so Davey was less worried about the party at Race’s house than he thought he would be.

Especially when Jack showed up and made Davey change into a sweatshirt instead of a sweater, and revealed himself to be a giant dork in the car while he danced and sang along to Katy Perry, and held Davey’s hand while they walked inside.

Although, the hand holding might have been partially because he was worried Davey would back out and try to leave.

“Do you want a drink?”

“What kind of drink?”

“Well, knowing Race and his sisters, there’s definitely beer somewhere. Probably wine? I don’t know. Sodas. Water. Orange juice. I’m here often enough I can probably find most normal drinks.”

“Oh, um…”

“How about I get you a soda? You seem like a soda kinda guy.”

“Yeah.” Davey was grateful Jack didn’t try to pressure him into drinking anything alcoholic. He’d had wine before, and couldn’t really imagine drinking it for fun, and he was sure beer wouldn’t taste much better. “Thanks.”

“Go sit, I’ll be back in a sec.” Davey perched on the edge of the couch, watching the party around him.

It wasn’t crazy, at least not yet. Pretty much everyone had a red solo cup, and those who didn’t had soda cans, so probably everyone would be getting progressively more drunk as the night went on.

“So. How did it happen?” Oscar Delancey sat down across from him with a sneer.

“What?”

“You stole my brother’s boyfriend. I wanna know how.”

“I didn’t steal anyone! He broke up with Jack first.”

“And how did you get him to go out with you so soon? Give him a hand at the picnic table?”

“Yeah, right, like David Jacobs would ever touch a guy like that in a place as public as school. Or at all.” Morris joined his brother, looking just as pissed off.

“Oh, he’s blushing though. Maybe little David is less innocent than we thought.” Morris laughed, but he looked ready to spit.

“Where is Jack? Off finding somebody who’ll do more than hold hands?”

“He’s getting drinks.” The key to confidence was to fake it until you felt it. Davey was faking it very hard and not feeling it much at all.

“Here, sweetheart.” Jack appeared with two sodas, passing one to Davey. “Problem, Morris?”

“No.” Morris stood up and scowled once more at Davey before stalking off. Oscar followed with the same expression.

“I’d say your plan is working.” Davey said, taking a drink.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And we’re never going to the picnic table again.”

“Ah. Sorry.”

“Yeah.”

“Hey lovebirds.” Katherine popped up next to them.

Davey hated parties. It was impossible to keep track of who was where. He hadn’t even known Katherine was at the party.

“Hi.”

“Sup?” Jack grinned at her.

“Having fun?”

“I guess.” Davey said.

“I am.” Jack said easily. “Hey, wanna take a picture of us?”

“Sure.” Katherine took the phone Jack offered her.

Jack put an arm around Davey shoulder and pulled him in, kissing his cheek for the camera.

“Perfect!” He smiled at Davey. “Cute, babe.” A few seconds later he showed Davey his phone, showing off his new lock screen.

They stayed for a while, Jack insisting that they had to stay long enough to convince people they both wanted to be there rather than Jack dragging him along, but eventually Davey managed to convince him to go get food and milkshakes.

“So, how about actually getting to know each other?” Jack said as he put fries and two chocolate shakes down on the table.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we’ve been in school together since middle school and I barely know you. So what’s up?”

“My name is Davey Jacobs.” Jack laughed at Davey’s deadpan introduction, which made him maybe happier than it should have, since it wasn’t even that good of a joke.

“Okay, I’ll be more specific. Your family.”

“I’m in the middle. Sarah is older than me, she’s the one Spot was dating, which you knew. And she’s only two years older than us. Then Les is younger, he’s in sixth grade. And our dad. And we had a cat, too, but Les developed allergies so one of our aunts took him.” Jack nodded, looking like he was trying to get the entire milkshake through his straw in one drink. Davey watched his face, waiting for the question that usually came next. “You’re not going to ask about my mom?” He finally said, when the question never came. Jack shrugged.

“I don’t like when people ask about my family when I leave something out. I figured you didn’t mention it for a reason.”

“Oh. Thank you.” Davey paused, filling the suddenly awkward feeling silence by taking his own long drink. “She died. When Les was really little. People can be really annoying about it, I guess. Because, like, obviously I miss her like crazy. She was my _mom_ , and I had her for so long and then she was poof, gone, just like that. But I don't want to talk about it all the time. Just because I’m sad doesn’t mean I want everyone to play therapist all the time. I miss her and I always will, but life will go on.” Jack nodded.

“People always want to play the therapist if your family life is anything other than completely normal. Like me, I’ve been in foster care since I was six. I’ve had my mom since I was ten, but people don’t even count that because I’m not legally adopted yet. I barely remember my biological mom; she left when I was really little, and my biological dad wasn’t much of one.” Jack gestured with a french fry. “None of that bothers me, really. I have my mom. I don’t need everyone to tell me about how life can only go up from here, my life is pretty great. Just ‘cause my family doesn’t look like yours doesn’t mean it’s not my family and it’s not good the way it is.”

“Exactly.” Davey agreed, taking his own fry.

“Okay, so let’s add that to the rules. Family information can be accessed on a volunteer basis only. No intrusive questions.” He offered his hand, and Davey shook it, meeting his smile with one of his own.

This part of fake dating Jack was easy. He was easy and fun to talk to. He made Davey feel comfortable, he was respectful and fun to be around.

In fact, most of it was easy. Jack held his hand, made him go to places and made sure he was having fun, he carried his books and gave him notes with cute drawings on the outside of classmates or teachers or random things made into cartoons.

The one hard part was the whole not catching feelings for his fake boyfriend thing. He’d admired the cartoons on the outside of the notes, but he hadn’t opened any of them. He’d put them all in his bedroom garbage basket, not willing to see any sweet nothings Jack had written for the benefit of Morris, if Morris ever found any of them. He’d already caught himself catching the beginning of feelings, and he was absolutely determined to stop them where they were.

“So. No more family questions.” Jack took another thoughtful drink, meeting Davey’s eyes across the table. “How about, why don’t you have a real boyfriend or girlfriend? You’re nice, you have a great family, it’s not like you’re unattractive. So what’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Sorry, I guess that sounds mean. I just mean, why aren’t you actually dating somebody?”

“I guess...I like the thought of romance, but actually going through with it...I don’t know, it just seems scary.” Davey studied the pile of fries. “Being so close to somebody like that. It’s just...nerve wracking?”

“But you’re not scared to date me?” Jack tilted his head and grinned.

“Well, we’re not really dating, so it’s not scary. We’re pretending.” Jack’s smiled faded a little bit, or maybe Davey imagined it, and he pushed his empty milkshake cup away.

“Right. Makes sense, fake relationship, fake feelings, no fear. Anyway, ready to go home? Because I am. I’m ready to go to bed.” Davey didn’t really know Jack well enough to say for sure, but it felt like he’d hurt his feelings somehow.

He wasn’t sure why, since he hadn’t said anything that should have come as a surprise or anything, but something about the shift in Jack’s smile and the way he’d said he wanted to go home made him want to apologize.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go.”

Not catching feelings for Jack Kelly was difficult. For the first few weeks, he’d been able to avoid it, or at least convince himself he was.

But after a while, it had gotten pretty much impossible to deny or ignore.

For one, he was spending a lot of time around Jack. They sat together at lunch, still, Jack was still walking him to class. One days when Davey didn’t have a car, which wasn’t often since there were two at home and only he and his dad drove, Jack picked Davey and Les up in the morning and drove them home or to dance after.

Jack became a regular at movie nights, at least somewhat filling Sarah’s space, and they went out all the time, too. Jack loved museums even more than Davey, which had been a surprise. Art museums hadn’t been, since pretty much the first thing he’d learned about Jack was how much he loved art, but Jack could spend hours pulling Davey through any kind of museum, spouting off facts that weren’t on any of the signs, he just knew them. And planetariums, they went on dates to planetariums a lot, too. Jack knew more about the night sky than the programs did.

Sometimes, it was really easy to forget that they were faking it.

And his biggest dilemma was quickly approaching in the form of the ski trip.

Every year, the upperclassman got to go away from Saturday morning until Sunday night to a fancy ski resort a few hours upstate. Technically, there was an appropriate amount of adult supervision, since it was a school sanctioned event, but in actuality the teachers that went all kept to themselves and had their own mini vacation while the students partied however they wanted in the completely rented out resort.

It was one of the benefits of living in a relatively rich suburb, and it was well known for being the weekend that took more virginities than the Williams kids’ New Years parties, which was quite an accomplishment.

And it was one of the clauses on Davey and Jack’s fake relationship contract, Morris still had his college girlfriend and didn’t seem about to break up with her, Jack and Davey were still “together,” and Davey’s dad had made a point of saying there was no problem with Davey missing services on Saturday to go on a school trip, and therefore he had no way out unless he and Jack magically broke up right before the trip.

He tried. Two days before the trip, he tried to break up with Jack, and somehow Jack convinced him to go anyway, and to keep pretending to be a couple.

Which was how he ended up shoving his suitcase into the underside of the bus and kind of awkwardly scanning for a seat.

“Davey! Hey!” Jack got on right after him, and Morris was right behind him, which made Davey’s stomach sink.

“Hi. Um, I’m sitting with, um, Katherine.” Davey picked the closest person he liked enough to spend three hours sitting with.

Jack’s face fell a little bit, but he sat down in an empty seat, and Morris pushed into the seat next to him, which made Davey feel even worse.

Yeah, he’d really, really failed the not catching real feelings bit of their relationship.

“I was looking forward to having two seats to myself to sleep in.”

“Well, now you have a pillow if you want one.” Katherine scrunched up her face, but flipped herself around so her head was on Davey’s shoulder and fell back asleep.

It was a long ride, with Katherine making his arm fall asleep and Jack two seats ahead of them with Morris draped all over him, making Davey a really annoying combination of somewhat nauseous and very jealous.

By the time they got to the resort, he didn’t really want to ski. Especially when they were handing out room assignments and he was forced to watch more of Morris draping himself all over Jack in the lobby.

He didn’t stick in the lobby any longer than it took him to get the key to his room, wanting to sit in bed, warm, with a book. He didn’t even like skiing and was only here because his fake boyfriend wanted him to be, and the result was having to watch his fake boyfriend who was also the person he was crushing on hard get covered in a human blanket made of his ex.

He’d barely read a chapter before somebody knocked on his door.

“Go away.” He said, not in the mood to deal with anyone.

“It’s dark, I’m cold, my roommate didn’t end up coming, and you’re in a bad mood.” Katherine said from the hallway. “And you need to talk to somebody about it, and I’m guessing talking with a girl who’s immune to Jack Kelly’s charms will help. Since, you know, Morris Delancey is currently trying to steal your man.” Davey stood up and opened the door to let her in. “Also I have chocolate. And face masks, if you’re into that.”

“Why not?”

Twenty minutes later they were lying side by side, with cold, slimy face masks on that actually felt pretty nice, eating a bunch of strangely flavored chocolates Katherine had piled between them.

“So. Why aren’t you trying to stop Morris from stealing your man?” One of their rules was supposed to be that they didn’t tell anybody.

But Katherine didn’t count, did she? And even if she did, she wouldn’t tell anybody.

“Jack isn’t actually my boyfriend we’ve been pretending for two months because he wanted to so he could get Morris back but then I actually got a crush on him and it’s stupid.” He spilled. “And I can’t talk to my sister because she’d know I was lying, and my little brother loves Jack and he’s gonna be mad when he finds out and I don’t even like skiing because I hate being cold, but breaking up with him to get out of it didn’t work at all since he gave me puppy eyes and I took him back in thirty seconds, which is dumb because it’s just a crush and we’re not really dating! And even though he’s not really my boyfriend I still don’t like seeing Morris all over him because I wish he was my real boyfriend, but that’ll never happen because he’s still in love with Morris, and Spot Conlon thinks I’m in love with him and my sister is gonna kill me when she finds that out, since they broke up like three months ago after dating for two years, and I haven’t talked to him in three months because of all that. And Jack knows he’s the reason I figured out my sexuality, and that’s just embarrassing. And Spot knows I had a crush on him for years, even though I’m pretty sure I don’t anymore, but that’s even worse than telling him I never did. And you know what? I don’t even know if I like girls at all anymore! In conclusion, my life is a mess and everything sucks.” Katherine let out a low whistle.

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“I mean, most of that I can’t really help with, but do you really think you’re the only one with a crush?”

“Everybody’s in love with Jack Kelly.” Davey said miserably. Katherine laughed.

“Davey, let’s look at this through a rational lense. Jack asked you out, even if he said it was fake. You tried to break up with him and he didn’t let it happen. He looked pretty uncomfortable with all the attention Morris was giving him, and I know for a fact Jack was in fact not skiing with Morris and was in fact trying to find you. God, Davey, he’s probably moping in the hot tub right now wishing you were there too.”

“Yeah, right.” Katherine’s phone dinged.

“That’s the masks. And seriously, Davey, think about it. You must know Jack pretty well by now. Who does he act more in love with? You or Morris Delancey?” Davey peeled off his face mask and reached for another piece of chocolate.

“Me, but that’s the point. He’s trying to make Morris jealous.”

“And he succeeded, and yet he just spent a night famous for sex avoiding him. He’s probably sitting somewhere thinking _he’s_ the one who who got a crush on somebody who won’t ever like him back.” Katherine offered him the plastic bag she’d dropped her mask into, along with a towel to wipe his face off. “And if I were you, I’d go chase him down and talk it out.”

Davey didn’t move, fully intending to stay in his comfortable position and ignore his problems some more.

“Seriously, Davey. Go find him.” Davey groaned and rolled away from her.

“And what if he doesn’t like me?”

“He does. It’s not a what if.”

Somehow, for some incalculable reason, Davey listened to her. He pulled his coat on over his pajama pants and t-shirt and wandered out of his room, looking for Jack.

He found him in the hot tub, just like Katherine had guessed, alone.

“Hey.”

“Hi, Davey.”

“Um...how was skiing?”

“Fine, I guess. Cold.”

“I don’t really know how to ski. You, um, you didn’t even offer to teach me.” Jack scoffed, looking down at his hands in the water.

“You completely ignored me on the bus. I didn’t think you wanted to talk to me.”

“You were talking to Morris. I figured-”

“Well, I wanted to sit with you, Davey. I bugged Les for all your favorite snacks and downloaded that album you wanted me to listen to. I wanted you to sit with me, not Morris.”

“You made Les give you information.”

“Yeah. It cost me twenty bucks to find out you like carrots, hummus, and original Pringles for long rides. He doesn’t work for cheap.”

“You payed my little brother twenty bucks to find out what my favorite snacks are.”

“Yeah. I did. And that means…?”

“You support young entrepreneurs?” Jack splashed a little bit of water towards him.

“It means I like you, you idiot. I don’t know how you manage to be a genius who’s so dumb he hasn’t realized his fake boyfriend is falling for him.” Jack looked back down at his hands, watching the light play over his fingers underwater. Davey watched him for a minute before pushing his coat off his arms and climbing into the hot tub. “You’re in your pajamas.”

“I know that, dummy. I didn’t bring a bathing suit.” Jack tentatively reached out for him, and Davey stepped closer.

“There is nobody else like you, Davey Jacobs.”

Rule number one was no kissing, and they were definitely breaking that rule. Jack was kissing him and he was kissing Jack, and he hadn’t counted the first two kisses they’d shared as real first kisses, but this definitely counted. It was sweet and slow and gentle, and Jack had pulled Davey into his lap and the water was as warm as the air was cold, and it was a perfect moment for a real first kiss.

“I want to be your real boyfriend, Davey. For real. I don’t care about Morris anymore, I just want to date you.” Davey just nodded wordlessly and kissed him again.

He kind of lost track of time, sitting on Jack’s lap in the blue light of the hot, tub kissing him, but eventually Jack pulled them both out of the water and wrapped Davey in a towel and led them back inside and upstairs.

“Goodnight, Davey.” Jack smiled broadly at him and kissed him again.

“Goodnight.”

“I’ll teach you to ski tomorrow morning if you want.”

“Yeah, I think that’d be fun.” Jack stepped backwards without letting go of Davey’s hands, refusing to let go until he was too far away to reach anymore. “Goodnight.”

“Night, Dave.” Jack smiled at him as he kept walking away backwards.

Davey fell asleep smiling, with a very triumphant text from Katherine on his phone.

By the time everyone was climbing back onto the bus, Davey knew he would never be a good skier. He was tired, damp, and very cold.

Jack was already on the bus when Davey got on, and he immediately waved Davey over.

“Everyone is looking at me funny.” Davey whispered as he sat down.

“It’s just because it’s the ski trip and they know we’re dating.” Jack said, kissing Davey’s knuckles. “Nothing happened, and even if it did, how would they know?” He flipped the armrest between the seats up so he could lean into Davey’s side. “I’m sleepy.” He said simply, intertwining their fingers and snuggling in as close as he could comfortably get. “Goodnight.”

Jack got caught by somebody from the baseball team when they finally got back from school, leaving Davey to try and find both of their bags and get them to Jack’s car so they could go home as soon as Jack disentangled himself.

“Davey.” Morris tapped him on the shoulder. “I just wanted to say, like, I know you stole my boyfriend and we don’t talk much anymore, but thanks for being so cool about stuff.”

“What?”

“Well, I mean, I know plenty of people who would have freaked out if their boyfriend came to his ex’s room in the middle of the night. It’s really cool of you not to mind, you know?”

“Jack...Jack came to your room?”

“Yeah, last night at like midnight. We just talked.” Morris smiled sweetly, the way he did when he was trying to convince a teacher he was the best kid in the class even when he was causing trouble. “Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for being so cool. See you around.”

Davey felt sick to his stomach. Last night had seemed so absolutely perfect, so completely right. He’d felt so comfortable with Jack and with himself, and he’d been so almost unbearably happy with how things seemed to be working out.

And Jack had gone to Morris’s room at midnight. Right after he’d kissed Davey goodnight.

No, he couldn’t just trust Morris like that. Morris had motive to lie to Davey, he wanted Jack back.

“Davey? You okay? Here, I can take my bag.”

“Did you go to Morris’s room last night?” Davey asked bluntly, scared for the answer but scared to not ask, too.

“I...what?”

“Did you go to Morris’s room last night?”

“Yeah, I-” Davey felt himself tear up. “No! Davey, not like that, I went to-”

“Never mind, Jack, just leave me alone.” He pulled his bag away from Jack and started walking.

“Wait, Davey, aren’t I giving you a ride home?”

“I’d rather walk home than have to sit in a car with you right now, Jack Kelly!”

It was a long, cold walk home. His bag was heavy, he was miserable but kind of scared to cry in case tears froze on his face.

At least the lights were on inside.

“Davey!” As soon as he opened the door, Les was hugging him. “We made Hamantaschen without you.”

“Did you set all of this up yourself?” Their Chanukah decorations were all set up around the menorah in the window; the entire living room seemed to glow blue from all the different shades of it that had replaced all the normal colors. Blue blankets on the couch that Davey recognized as stolen from his closet, blue tinsel on the mantelpiece, blue felt underneath the menorah.

“He had help.”

“Sarah!” She’d never actually confirmed, to him anyway, that she was coming home over her winter break, and Davey had kind of forgotten how much he missed her until she was hugging him and Les at the same time. “How’s Scotland?”

“Oh, I love it, Davey. I’ll tell you all about it later.”

“When I’m in bed so she can tell you about parties and shit like that.”

“Les! Watch your language!” Les shrugged and grinned at them both.

“Middle school is a bad influence on him.” Sarah said, flicking Les on the side of the head.

“Middle school is a bad influence on everyone.” Davey replied, smiling at her.

Davey was able to all but forget about his terrible day-slash-weekend when he and Sarah and Les all piled on the couch together and watched the Rugrats Chanukah special together, not really paying attention as much as telling the same jokes they always did when they watched it together, eating way too many cookies and bowls of popcorn and definitely letting Les drink too much soda. At around nine, somebody knocked on the door, and Davey got up to answer it, since Sarah and Les had started a very involved thumb wrestling match.

“Davey, please, can we talk?” Jack barely waited for the door to open before he started talking. Davey stepped out and shut the door behind him, glancing back at the couch to see if Sarah had noticed.

“Not right now, Jack.”

“Please, Davey, just let me explain. I...nothing happened between me and Morris last night. I went to tell him that I’m done. I don’t want him back anymore, Davey, I just want to be with you.”

“I really can’t talk right now, Jack, I don’t have time.”

“Davey-”

“He said go away, Kelly.” Davey turned and saw Spot, who was coming over from his house, looking like he was ready to fight somebody. Jack looked between them.

“This isn’t any of your business, Conlon.”

“Sure it is. He said, go away.”

Davey didn’t know what to do. If Jack and Spot got into a fight on his front porch, Sarah would come out and find out that Davey had written a love letter to her ex-boyfriend. And she’d find out about Jack, which wouldn’t be the end of the world but wouldn’t be fun.

“What makes any of this your business?” Jack looked between Davey and Spot again, and then let out a little laugh. Not a “haha this situation is funny” laugh. A “I figured something out and now I’m mad” laugh. “You two.”

“What?”

“He got a letter too. You told me that the first time we talked. This whole time, it’s been you two!”

“No!”

“What are you talking about?” Spot said.

“You got a love letter from Davey, just like I did! He told me so!”

“That has nothing to do with him wanting you to go away!”

“Yeah? You weren’t just jumping at the chance to try and steal-”

“Last I checked he was my friend before he was your boyfriend!”

“And last I checked you had a-”

“Stop it! Just stop! Go away, both of you! I don’t want to talk to either of you right now! I’ve never had anything to do with Spot, Jack, and you know it! And Spot, me fighting with Jack is none of your business! Just go away!” Davey spun to go back inside, hoping they’d just leave if he shut them out. The door wasn’t shut all the way, and Sarah and Les were standing just through it. Davey pushed through them, feeling tears welling up in his eyes, wanting to be alone.

A few minutes later, there was a knock on his door, interrupting his self pity.

“Davey? Can we talk?”

“I guess.” Sarah opened the door and laid down next to Davey on his bed.

“So. How long have you had a boyfriend?” Davey laughed a little. “I’m guessing it’s complicated?”

“You’ll hate me.”

“Davey, I’m your sister. I’ll never hate you.”

“I wrote your ex-boyfriend a love letter, didn’t tell you, had a boyfriend, didn’t tell you, and just got into a very public fight with both of them.” Davey’s phone dinged next to Sarah, and she passed it to him while staring up at the ceiling.

It was an Instagram notification. He’d been tagged in something. By Morris Delancey.

He opened it, absolutely terrified.

It was a shaky video of the hot tub at the ski resort, with two people in it. Obviously Davey and Jack, kissing. There wasn’t sound, and you couldn’t quite tell who was in the water, but you could tell exactly what was happening between them, and they were both tagged in the video.

He laughed again, astounded by how a day could go from wonderful to bad to great to terrible to worse. In the space of less than twenty-four hours.

“What?” He passed his phone over to Sarah, letting her see the post. “Is...is that really…”

“Yeah.”

“You’ve had quite the time since I’ve left, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“How about you start at the beginning. Tell me everything.” Sarah tapped his phone a few times.

“What are you doing?”

“Reporting the post. So they’ll take it down. Now, spill.” It took Davey at least fifteen minutes to explain everything, even without giving every little detail.

“So you were fake dating Jack, but now you’re real dating him?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I think I broke up with him this morning.”

“I don’t think I’m even allowed to be mad at you for sending a love letter to my ex-boyfriend with how shitty everything’s been for you.”

“Hey! How come you’re allowed to say shit and I’m not!” Les said indignantly, stepping into the room from where he’d obviously been eavesdropping in the hallway.

“Because you’re not in high school yet.”

“How long have you been listening?” Davey asked, and Les shrugged, joining them on the bed.

“A while.”

“This was a private conversation, Les, listening in isn’t polite.” Sarah chided him. “Davey, no more secrets between us, okay?” Davey nodded, and Les sat up again, looking at both of them.

“No more secrets at all?” He asked seriously, looking nervous.

“None.” Sarah said firmly. “Why, Les? Do you have one?”

“I sent Davey’s letters out because I thought it would be good for him to get a date and I didn’t realize how bad it would be and I’m sorry Davey, I’m so sorry, please don’t look at me like that.”

“Get out.” Davey said, carefully controlling himself. “Les, I can’t believe you did that. I can’t believe it! You found a box of unsent letters in my room and thought ‘gee, I know, clearly sending these would be a good idea!’ All of this is your fault!” Les stood up off the bed.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t think it through!”

“Obviously!”

“I’m sorry!” Les scurried out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

“He didn’t mean to hurt you, Davey.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that none of this would have happened if he’d left my stuff alone.” Sarah pulled him forcibly into a hug.

“Find it in your heart to forgive him? For me?”

“Maybe later.” Sarah laughed.

“You know we all love each other.”

The rest of break went way too fast. It seemed like Chanukah went by much faster than eight days should be able to, and then there were only two days left. The last Sunday before they had to go back to school, Sarah went out with her friends, and their dad had to work a night shift. Les was dancing in his room, and Davey was sitting on the couch trying to write an essay that was due the Tuesday they got back, which didn’t technically break the supposed “no homework over break” rule.

A knock on the door surprised him, and he was even more surprised when he opened it to Spot.

“Um, hey.” Spot said, uncharacteristically nervous, or shy, or both. “We need to talk, I think.” Davey looked up the stairs to see Les’s door was closed.

“Yeah. Um, come in.” Spot sat down on the couch, curling his legs up underneath him.

“Um...okay. I...what’s going on?” Davey sighed, leaning back into the cushions, starting at the beginning of the letters. He left out hearing Sarah break up with him, and emphasized that Les had been the one to actually mail the letters.

“I thought, when we started anyway, that I was pretending to date him so I could ignore how I felt about you. But I realized I don’t like you that way anymore at all. I was really happy when Jack asked me out for real, but then we started fighting, and you came over, and everything is even more of a mess now than it was before.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry, Davey.”

“I’m sorry, too.” For the first time really since Spot and Sarah had broken up, Davey and Spot sat in comfortable silence. “We should have talked a long time ago.”

“A few months, yeah.” Spot smiled. “But we talked now. So what next?” Davey sighed.

“I don’t know. I’m...I guess I’m sick of being the one writing love letters, if that makes sense. I do like Jack, but he better be the one to make the next move.”

“Davey?” Les piped up from the stairs. “I, um, I have something for you.” He extended Davey’s missing box over the back of the couch. “I didn’t get rid of it.” Davey took the box, expecting it to be empty, but he heard something shuffle inside. “I didn’t read any of them.” Les said quickly. “I just saved them. In case you wanted them.” Davey heard him scoot back up the stairs and close his door.

Davey pulled the lid off the box and found a pile of Jack’s notes, the ones he thrown away without reading.

One of the ones on top was one Davey recognized from pretty early on in their fake relationship, with a bunch of doodles of people in their eighth period class. He opened it and read it for the first time.

“Your presentation was cool. I didn’t know all that stuff about pottery and chem being related. Who knew having a smart fake boyfriend would be so interesting?” Spot laughed and picked up another one, passing it to Davey.

“What a romantic.”

“I’ve never met anyone who manages to color coordinate their outfits so well without it being obnoxious.”

“He said that?” It didn't take many notes to get them both laughing together on the couch, and everything felt like normal.

“This one is actually sweet, Davey. ‘Who knew brown eyes could be as captivating as books say blue eyes are.’”

The older ones were all kind of funny, but the newer ones were all sweet, exactly the kind of thing Davey hadn’t read the notes to avoid seeing. Now he couldn’t decide if they made him sad or ridiculously happy.

“I don’t think you’re the only one writing love letters, Davey.” Spot passed him another note, this one without words.

It was just a portrait of Davey, one that took up an entire side of notebook paper and was drawn with a lot of detail and made Davey blush just to look at it. Jack’s feelings for Davey showed through in the drawing more than they ever could in words.

“I guess not.”

“So talk to him. If you could talk to me, you can talk to him.”

Even with his relationship with Spot fixed, and having forgiven Les and told Sarah everything, going back to school wasn’t fun.

He didn’t know how to start a conversation with Jack. He wanted to talk it out, but Jack was being so respectful of Davey asking him to go away and leave him alone Davey couldn't get him alone, and he was definitely not willing to have that conversation around other people.

And it didn’t help that even with how fast Sarah had gotten the video taken down, people had seen it. People were making comments behind his back, just loud enough he could hear them. Somebody had taped a screenshot to his locker.

Before the ski trip, or, really, before Jack, that much negative attention focused on him would have given him a panic attack faster than he could take a breath.

Now, he knew exactly who to blame, and everything had compounded into anger, frustration, and a desire to do something about the fight that had been waiting to be had between him and Morris Delancey since seventh grade.

He found Morris in the bathroom. Vaping, which wasn’t a surprise.

“Jacobs.” He literally sneered, curling his upper lip, which Davey guessed was supposed to intimidating or something, but just looked cartoonish and stupid.

“Morris.”

“Got a problem?”

“With you? Yeah, I kind of do.”

“With what? This?” He puffed out, really solidifying how stupid Davey thought he looked, sitting on the bathroom counter puffing vapor out, glaring at Davey.

“While second hand vape isn’t great, I was actually talking about the fact that you took a video of me and posted it online without asking.”

“You and Jacky were getting it on in a very public place, Jacobs. All I did was make it a bit more public.”

“Why do you hate me so much, Morris? What did I even do?”

“Well, for starters, you stole my boyfriend!”

“You broke up with him before we started dating.”

“And in seventh grade you stopped being my friend!”

“I stopped being your friend? You stopped talking to me and started bullying me in seventh grade!”

“I did not!”

“You literally did.” Davey paused. “You know what? I don’t even care about that. Just leave me and Jack alone.”

“And why should I do that?”

“Because we aren’t any of your business. You’re just being petty, and stupid, and I’m over it. Frankly, Morris, grow up.” Davey left while he still had the last word, pretty confident Morris wasn’t going to listen to anything he’d said but feeling better for trying. At least he hadn’t run away from his problems this time.

And he wasn’t going to run away from his Jack problem, either. It was pretty much the last of his problems, and he was determined to fix it the right way.

After debating for a while, he ended up sending a text.

_Meet me at the picnic table? We need to talk I think._

_u do realize how cold it is rn yeah?_

_You have a better place to meet and talk?_

_nah, ive got a coat._

This time, Davey was the second one to the empty picnic table. Jack was already sitting on top of the table, his feet on the bench, looking nervous.

“Hey.” He said quietly.

“Hi.”

“I’m sorry, Davey. I really am.”

“I know, Jack. It’s okay.” Jack smiled a little bit.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I...I was going to write you another letter, but I didn’t.”

“Another letter?”

“The one you got was a little bit old.” Jack smiled for real and stood up, hopping down to the ground.

“What would a new one have said?”

“Something about how much of a dork you are. How you made me question my sexuality not once, but twice. How you make me laugh, and make me feel comfortable in situations I normally wouldn’t. How sweet you are, how much I like being around you, how it turns out I never got over my old crush on you and it got worse with age. Better, I guess.” Jack stepped a little bit closer with every statement, until they were close enough to kiss but not touching.

“Better.” He agreed, taking both of Davey’s hands. “Do all those things mean you want to actually date?”

“Yeah, Jack. They do.”

“And does that mean I can kiss you right now?” Davey nodded, and Jack kissed him.

His lips were cold, and when he touched the side of Davey’s face, his hands were, too, but even the cold of a New York winter didn’t make the moment feel less perfect. Especially when Jack pulled back, still gently touching Davey’s face, his eyes sparkling.

“I have a question.”

“What?”

“When is our anniversary?” Jack asked completely seriously, even though he looked like he was about to burst out laughing. “Because everyone else things we started dating in September. But we actually started dating sort of on the ski trip? Which was December. But like really for real now, in January. But if we tell people it’s January, they’ll be confused.” Davey laughed.

“I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, won’t we?” Jack kissed him again, and this time kept his forehead pressed against Davey’s.

“We’ll have a lot of bridges to cross together, won’t we?”

“Yeah.”

“Do we have to write a contract for this one?”

“No. We’ll just figure it out as we go.”

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is dedicated to Byrd who gave me enthusiasm boosts several times towards the end when I was working stuff out sorry I keep losing our streak and I love you lots!
> 
> As always, I'm Asper! Come chill on Tumblr @enby-crutchie, it's a good gay time.
> 
> Please, please, please leave comments and kudos behind! They're super nice and make me really happy!


End file.
